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Encountering denial, especially when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. A publisher is declining your work, giving a firm “Nope.” As a writer, I am familiar with rejection. I commenced submitting story ideas five decades ago, upon finishing university. Over the years, I have had several works rejected, along with book ideas and countless essays. Over the past two decades, focusing on op-eds, the refusals have multiplied. In a typical week, I receive a setback frequently—totaling in excess of 100 annually. In total, denials in my profession exceed a thousand. Today, I could claim a master’s in rejection.

But, is this a self-pitying tirade? Absolutely not. As, at last, at 73 years old, I have accepted rejection.

By What Means Have I Managed It?

For perspective: By this stage, nearly everyone and others has said no. I’ve never kept score my success rate—doing so would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: not long ago, a newspaper editor nixed 20 articles consecutively before approving one. Back in 2016, at least 50 book publishers declined my book idea before one accepted it. Subsequently, 25 representatives declined a book pitch. A particular editor suggested that I submit my work only once a month.

The Steps of Setback

In my 20s, every no hurt. I took them personally. It was not just my creation being rejected, but me as a person.

As soon as a submission was turned down, I would begin the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, surprise. Why did this occur? How could they be blind to my talent?
• Second, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the wrong person? It has to be an administrative error.
• Then, dismissal. What do they know? Who appointed you to decide on my labours? You’re stupid and your publication is subpar. I deny your no.
• After that, frustration at the rejecters, followed by self-blame. Why would I subject myself to this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, negotiating (preferably seasoned with false hope). What does it require you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, depression. I’m no good. What’s more, I can never become accomplished.

So it went for decades.

Great Examples

Of course, I was in fine company. Tales of writers whose books was originally rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was originally turned down. If they could persevere, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was not selected for his high school basketball team. Most Presidents over the recent history had earlier failed in races. The filmmaker claims that his movie pitch and attempt to star were declined numerous times. For him, denial as an alarm to wake me up and get going, not backing down,” he has said.

The Final Phase

Then, upon arriving at my later years, I achieved the last step of rejection. Peace. Now, I grasp the various causes why a publisher says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have already featured a similar piece, or have something in the pipeline, or be considering that idea for someone else.

Or, more discouragingly, my pitch is uninteresting. Or maybe the evaluator thinks I don’t have the experience or reputation to be suitable. Or is no longer in the field for the wares I am offering. Maybe didn’t focus and reviewed my submission too quickly to see its value.

You can call it an epiphany. Anything can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost little you can do about it. Some explanations for denial are permanently beyond your control.

Manageable Factors

Others are your fault. Admittedly, my ideas and work may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and impact, or the idea I am struggling to articulate is poorly presented. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Or something about my punctuation, particularly semicolons, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, regardless of all my long career and setbacks, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve authored several titles—my first when I was 51, my second, a autobiography, at older—and over numerous essays. My writings have featured in magazines large and small, in local, national and global sources. An early piece appeared when I was 26—and I have now submitted to that publication for five decades.

However, no blockbusters, no author events in bookshops, no features on TV programs, no presentations, no honors, no Pulitzers, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can more easily accept no at this stage, because my, humble successes have cushioned the blows of my setbacks. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Valuable Rejection

Setback can be educational, but only if you heed what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s the wrong way. What teachings have I gained?

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